Ignorance is Bliss

Hello, world!

Perfect way to end the night; J and I took our pups to the dog park earlier this evening and we just finished dinner and now we are curled up in bed watching The Bachelor Pad. Obviously, to J's demise... she pretty much LOATHES that show but because I am obsessed with The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, it only makes sense that I would watch The Bachelor Pad. I actually tried to watch this show last season but couldn't get into it. However, I am slightly obsessed with Jake and Vienna's relationship, so I am suckered in to see the drama between the two of them.

Ahhh... anyway, enough of the show. I have had a lot of things running through my head and I have been wanting to blog all day. But it's now 9:00 and I'm just now getting around to blogging.

For all you lesbians out there who are trying to have a baby, there are a lot of benefits to the way we decide to have a baby. J and I talk about the good constantly; we consider ourselves (and our future bean) lucky that we get to plan (almost to a T) every single aspect of having a baby. However, there are a lot of drawbacks connected to the IUI world. Case and point: J went to the doctor last Friday to make sure everything was copacetic with her uterus and her cycle. We aren't 100% sure if we were going to try again for August, but we wanted to make sure we got the green light from our doctor just in case. Well, after J's ultra sound, the doctor says, "do you want the good news? or the bad news?" Good, duh...Well, he tells us that her left ovary has produced some follicles and they are looking great and growing nicely. The bad news: her right ovary has produced a cyst. The tone in which he said it in was like he was having pot roast for dinner; the way we heard it, "you will never be able to have kids." Well, that's the way I heard it and my heart sank.

Because we've been dealing with this process with a specialized fertility doctor, we feel so informed about everything. We know that the follicles must be a certain size; she needs to ovulate and that there is only a short time frame from which the sperm needs to be inseminated; there is a small window in which we can actually have the IUI performed; there is a shot that triggers ovulation; there's even freakin' medication to make her follicles grow bigger... the list of things that need to happen are endless. The stars might as well have to align just perfectly in order for us to make a baby. So, needless to say, we only have one good ovary for this cycle. Do hetero couples even know how lucky they are!?

Okay, this isn't going to be a post of have and have nots... because I don't want to bitch about how easy straight couples have it when it comes to having a baby. I just find it so ironic. I am sure straight couples get cysts and when they try to have a baby they do the deed and cross their fingers that THEIR stars align so that they get pregnant.. All the while not even knowing that they have one bum ovary. I guess the point I am trying to make is summed up by my title. Sometimes I feel like ignorance is bliss. If we could just try and have a baby like any other couple, we wouldn't even know about her cyst and I'm sure we would get pregnant.

Unfortunately, two girls making a baby is scientifically impossible and we are dealt with the cards that we have; with which I am totally fine. I am in love with J and although I was married to a man before being with her... I have never wanted a baby as much as I want one with her. I think we are both going to make fantastic parents (if I do say so myself). :) I just sometimes wish I can close off all that I currently know and just walk into the doctor's office and roll the dice, so to speak.

Okay, that's some heavy gambling especially because the minimum bet of each IUI is equal to that of a high roller. So, of course... we can't really just go in with our eyes closed and claim ignorance because that would be irresponsible. Almost as irresponsible as two teenage kids who have unprotected sex.

So, maybe in this scenario choosing ignorance isn't the better option. But if I could just, for one second, take away the frustration and hurt that J has to go through with this roller coaster of the IUI ride... I would. It's a different role I play here having to be the "man" (I hate having to define roles in our relationship, but since she's the one who is going to be carrying our bean... I guess I have to play the man this time).

I am half blogging, half watching The Bachelor Pad... so this blog probably doesn't make much sense. But I have a lot on my mind and it's spilling out onto my laptop. I will end this for now... and will keep you posted on the outcome of J's next doctor's appointment scheduled for Friday.

Till next time.