If Home is Where the Heart is...

What happens if your heart is divided into two places?

Since we are going through this baby making process (sounds so sexy, huh?), it has left J and I with some questions. My family lives here in California and J's family lives in Utah. Obviously,  you probably couldn't have two states that are more different. Take our domestic partnership, for example. Our domestic partnership is recognized here in California and many other states, but the second we cross state lines into Utah, recognition goes out the window. We both consider ourselves lucky to live in a state where our relationship is viewed equally to that of a heterosexual relationship and that we live in a state that is more accepting and loving to lifestyles that are different than what is considered the "norm." These are things I feel are priceless because when we finally do bring little ones into this world, I want my kids to grow up around compassion, and tolerance and acceptance. Little kids, middle school kids, high school kids are cruel... and they are cruel to those that are different to themselves. I know we can all relate to that; therefore, I don't want the fact that our amazing child has two moms to be so outside the norm that they are put through ridicule and harassment for something they (obviously) can't control.

Obviously, this is just one side of things. J is extremely close with her family and misses them daily. And naturally, this baby making process makes her want to be close to her family. And frankly, I don't blame her. I think I would feel the exact same way because I know I'd want to be around my own family too.

I think this post requires a little more background information. I will only divulge more of my background, since I can (and should) only write from my perspective; I didn't always know I was a lesbian. I was married for four years (to a... gasp... MAN!) and I since I was younger, I have always been boy crazy and dated boys. It wasn't until later in life (27 to be exact) that I realized that I no longer wanted to be married and that I was interested in experimenting my curiosity for women (I know... I know... that should have happened in my college days, when all sorts of experimenting was going on... but what can I say!? I was a late bloomer). The way that I came out was... let's just say... out of the ordinary. So, needless to say... it's still a fairly new phenomenon that not only am I divorced from a man, but now I am married to a woman. So, my family has had some getting used to with this new found life of mine. Not to say that they don't love J, because it goes beyond that... it's just that they are getting accustomed to my new lifestyle and obviously... with that, comes some challenges and issues that have never had to come up before. So, to wrap up this story... All I can say about J is that her story is a little different. Yes, of course, she also had to deal with challenges and issues about coming out but that was years ago.

Fast forward to where we are today... when she and I got together, she was already standing firm with who she is. In fact, it's one of the many things I love and admire about her. She isn't afraid to state who is she is, what she believes in and what she's all about. I, on the other hand, am different. I am a lot more reserved, quiet and well to be honest... STILL trying to figure out who I am and what I felt comfortable sharing. However, with her love, and encouragement, I was slowly able to tell myself it was okay with who I am and who I choose to love.

I guess where I'm getting at is this: my goal with my own family (the one that consists of me, J, my pups and our soon to be bean <-- this is what J and I will call our baby) is I want to protect them. I want to shield them from harm, and discomfort and I want them to have an enriching, loving life. Where, do you ask, is that going to be? I'm not sure... Utah? California? Who knows? I just know that the life I will help my child to build will be one filled with a lot of great, amazing things.

So, back to my title. I truly do believe Home is Where the Heart is. And if you're heart is divided into two places like J's, consider yourselves lucky... that just means you have two places you can call home.